Mental Health Suicide Awareness

[shadow puppet]

Reading this morning that 40 year old Stephen TWitch Boss took his life yesterday via a gun shot was quite a jolt. 40 is far too young to be so mentally mired down that he felt the need to take his life.

Only a few days ago, he was dancing with his wife celebrating their 9th wedding anniversary. Yet no one knew the depth of mental pain he was suffering. Some say his suicide was selfish. He left behind his wife and three children. I find myself trying to comprehend the sheer amount of pain and lack of hope someone arrives at in order to end their life. It's heartbreaking.

We need to do better in supporting one another. Especially with what's going on in the world.

It’s so easy to judge. And this harsh judgment is why so many in our world feel hopeless, alone, and isolated.

 

[Chew Toy McCoy]

That is shocking. Haven't followed his whole career path but I remember him from back when I watched So You Think You Can Dance and he always seemed positive.

 

[lizkat]

There's still a totally absurd amount of stigma associated to seeking help for mental health problems --although not as much as people may imagine when they do need help but hesitate to ask for it.

It's true that despite a lot of outreach nowadays from state agencies and nonprofit mental health care advocates, some employers, friends and family members can still feel at a loss to know how to help someone who needs it.

It's just really hard sometimes for people who --for whatever reason-- can't reach out when things have gone very dark for them inside, but they're still all too good at hiding their terrible pain.

I would only ask anyone who is suffering needlessly like that to reach out before it feels like there are just no good choices left. Share the pain, get some perspective back, leave room for the dawn and some help.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or text 741741 in the USA to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or go to https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/ for a list of additional resources.​

 

[shadow puppet]

That is shocking. Haven't followed his whole career path but I remember him from back when I watched So You Think You Can Dance and he always seemed positive.

SYTYCD is when I began following him and agree, he always came across so positive and full of life. I think that's why I've been in such shock most of the day after learning of his suicide.

I would only ask anyone who is suffering needlessly like that to reach out before it feels like there are just no good choices left. Share the pain, get some perspective back, leave room for the dawn and some help.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, call 988 or text 741741 in the USA to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or go to https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources/ for a list of additional resources.​

Thank you, @lizkat, for sharing this. The more people know, the more they/we can help.

It never ceases to hit hard when someone you never think would take their own life, surprises you. I'm still not past Robin Williams and Anthony Bourdain's deaths.

 

[lizkat]

Thank you, @lizkat, for sharing this. The more people know, the more they/we can help.

It never ceases to hit hard when someone you never think would take their own life, surprises you. I'm still not past Robin Williams and Anthony Bourdain's deaths.

Yes, it can be really hard to accept events like that, even if we only know of people like Williams or Bourdain because of their celebrity. I even get angry at celebrities who die of old age, when it sinks in that there will be no more performances. But with suicides, it can be quite tempting to linger at "if only..." and to wish, even to insist, that somehow it could have turned out differently. Maybe so. Maybe not.

Eventually though we must land at acceptance: what is done is done. One must respect that a choice --impaired or otherwise-- was made and cannot be revoked. Maybe their pain could have been addressed in some other way but we can't know that. They were "here as long as they could be," as a friend reminded me after the death of one of my brothers. And we the living can only operate in the present. I know that now as a survivor of several familial suicides, but it did take awhile to get there.

What we can do though, is to reach out in love and caring those who are living in pain, to offer the idea that they might want to postpone acting on the notion of checking out... and instead to leave some room for other options, after talking with someone about how they feel at the moment. In isolation or in the fog of a depression, it's easy to forget that every day does offer something of a new canvas. And fresh eyes on a situation are always good too.

 

[rdrr]

While I think it is tragic and have sympathy for people suffering from mental illness, I am in the camp that it is very selfish for someone to take their life. The victims of suicide is the family left behind and the act itself even if it is not successful can often leave a family destroyed.

I have had two people in my immediate family attempt suicide and I personally can attest to those above feelings. The latest from this past August has basically thrown a figurative hand grenade in the family relationships and ripples from it is still being felt. I am still justifiably angry at the person since their plan was for me to find them. And it wasn't an act of second thought regret, they were surprised that they woke up the next morning and went the ER because of the lingering effects.

 

[lizkat]

While I think it is tragic and have sympathy for people suffering from mental illness, I am in the camp that it is very selfish for someone to take their life. The victims of suicide is the family left behind and the act itself even if it is not successful can often leave a family destroyed.

I have had two people in my immediate family attempt suicide and I personally can attest to those above feelings. The latest from this past August has basically thrown a figurative hand grenade in the family relationships and ripples from it is still being felt. I am still justifiably angry at the person since their plan was for me to find them. And it wasn't an act of second thought regret, they were surprised that they woke up the next morning and went the ER because of the lingering effects.

I have had those feelings of resentment, although mine are tempered (when I'm being rational) by understanding that even if someone attempts suicide from a "I'll show you!" vantage point, their competence to make such a choice is likely impaired, whether from drugs use, mental illness or impulsivity. Whatever their state of mind was, we are going to feel whatever we feel anyway. Anger is understandable but the main thing is for a survivor not to let it become a consuming factor in one's own life. It's hard...

I mean it really is hard to recover from the suicide or attempts at suicide of "significant others" or immediate family. In my own experience in family, the first attempts were successful... so the intense anger came later, basically -- initial responses are more like shock, pain, denial-- but not a whole lot later, and then recurred periodically for years. I can still feel it now and then but recognize it almost instantly and move on with my life because it's what to do next.

I'll never know "why" those two people checked out early. But it wasn't about me. It was about their pain and it had been their considered choice --rational or otherwise-- to keep hiding that pain from other people. Whether the suicide at actual time of death was also considered or fairly impulsive, who knows. Either way, what happened was irrevocable and what has been left to the living is to go on living: to live through all the stages of grief, and eventually to quit renting space to questions without answers.

My big battle was not to entertain self pity whenever that feeling surfaced, since that in itself can evolve into a debilitating mental illness. I didn't take either of those deaths as "he did this to ME" but it's a fairly common response, and was certainly the one taken up by my late stepmother for a long time after my dad had killed himself. I was indeed angry over his suicide being a source of that extended period of her suffering, whatever had been their prior relationship and blame-trading. I admired her for making efforts to get help to recover from having wallowed in self pity while there was still time for her to enjoy life and her grandkids again.

In the years since then, occasionally experiencing some other people's veiled or direct threats to take their own life, anger wells up in me immediately, and I've had to take a deep breath and recommend calling a hotline. I know I can't ever be a sounding board for people toying with the idea.

 

[shadow puppet]

Some times it's as simple as a loss of hope that no support line is going to fix. My passing for example, won't really affect anyone. Sure my brothers (the only family I have left), might miss me for a bit but it's not like we live near one another and I can't even remember the last time the one brother and I saw each other in person.

I grasp why someone might consider it selfish. At the same time, it can be selfish of that person not to give consideration or even attempt to understand the level of pain or despair a person has undergone to arrive at this point. Loss of hope is no joke. I know. I've been going through this myself.

 

[lizkat]

I grasp why someone might consider it selfish. At the same time, it can be selfish of that person not to give consideration or even attempt to understand the level of pain or despair a person has undergone to arrive at this point. Loss of hope is no joke. I know. I've been going through this myself.

So you know that "going through" a difficult time is an active approach, and does indeed involve choosing more time and a chance to arrive to a different perspective instead of ruminating on paths forward all alone.

No point in any of us just guessing at what a support line offers to someone who uses it. So it's fine to recommend it even if unsure it will prove helpful. We cannot possibly know: each and every situation is different, even if it's also true that as humans we can have way more in common --including the kinds of pain that we feel-- than we have in terms of actually being in a "unique" circumstance.

It's clear that the mere existence of a hotline cannot help someone determined not to use it, although support line workers are trained in how to try to help people who call up determined to prove that a support line is of no use. But sure, a hotline option is not the best for every situation. It's why, for example, an ambulance arrives at the home of someone who calls up an ex and threatens suicide and the ex dials 911, possibly not for the first time. The ex may have suggested a hotline to begin with but if the threats continued, a professional evaluation rather than a hotline would seem more helpful.

But the "choice" of a troubled person to apply a permanent solution to a transient or recurrent problem is pretty dire. It's why hotlines are a good suggestion if a friend is in trouble and not already in therapy.

The idea is to help a person postpone making a possibly irrational decision from isolation. Thinking things out all alone distorts perspective, not unlike how being really hungry and going shopping can distort what ends up in a shopping cart.

 

[rdrr]

Some times it's as simple as a loss of hope that no support line is going to fix. My passing for example, won't really affect anyone. Sure my brothers (the only family I have left), might miss me for a bit but it's not like we live near one another and I can't even remember the last time the one brother and I saw each other in person.

I grasp why someone might consider it selfish. At the same time, it can be selfish of that person not to give consideration or even attempt to understand the level of pain or despair a person has undergone to arrive at this point. Loss of hope is no joke. I know. I've been going through this myself.

Don't get me wrong emotional pain and loneliness is real, and truly can make people have a sense of hopelessness. I have sympathy for anyone who feels that way, but it ends up and to the point of suicide. IMO the act of suicide is selfish had a lot of repercussions, the most immediate one is that someone (maybe not immediate family) has to deal with their emotions of discovering the decedent.

I can tell you from first hand experience that even though the person in my family didn't succeed the suicide attempt. Discovering the suicide note was a gut punch, and shook the foundations of my family life. It sent me through weeks of my own personal emotional pain, because of that it affected also my relationship with my fiancee and her emotions as she had to deal with seeing me go through that period in my life. It touches more lives than you know, and that is just one aspect of it.

I hope though that your post is from a hypothetical point of view. Anyone's passing does have an impact.

 

[shadow puppet]

So you know that "going through" a difficult time is an active approach, and does indeed involve choosing more time and a chance to arrive to a different perspective instead of ruminating on paths forward all alone.

To a certain degree, yes. I'm not suicidal by nature so if I were to choose that route, I'd need someone to help me. Like an end of life Doula if you will.

I may be looking at possibly two more good years health wise and I'm about to lose my house. This is way more than I usually share here but I'm trying to illustrate how a person can arrive at a full stop loss of hope or desire to continue.

There's a reason I'm about to fill out my advanced directive. That I've instructed my two brothers to not under any circumstances, allow me to be resuscitated in the event of heart failure or even a stroke. I do not want to live compromised or in pain. It's now about quality of life over quantity and I should be afforded the dignity to make that choice.

So I'm not a troubled person or in need of therapy. I'm facing facts. I've lived a good life. I had two amazing parents. I may not have been able to do everything I wanted to do, ie: climb Machu Picchu, but I have lived a good life. If I died tomorrow, I'd be okay. If that happens, I've told my brothers (both much older than me) to not grieve and be happy for me.

 

[rdrr]

To a certain degree, yes. I'm not suicidal by nature so if I were to choose that route, I'd need someone to help me. Like an end of life Doula if you will.

I may be looking at possibly two more good years health wise and I'm about to lose my house. This is way more than I usually share here but I'm trying to illustrate how a person can arrive at a full stop loss of hope or desire to continue.

There's a reason I'm about to fill out my advanced directive. That I've instructed my two brothers. to not under any circumstances, allow me to be resuscitated in the event of heart failure or even a stroke. I do not want to live compromised or in pain. It's now about quality of life over quantity and I should be afforded the dignity to make that choice.

So I'm not a troubled person or in need of therapy. I'm facing facts. I've lived a good life. I had two amazing parents. I may not have been able to do everything I wanted to do, ie: climb Machu Picchu, but I have lived a good life. If I died tomorrow, I'd be okay. If that happens, I've told my brothers (both much older than me) to not grieve and be happy for me.

I am sorry to hear that really. I think this is two different things we are talking about. Ending a no hope terminal illness early or suicide because of a mental or emotional issue. The former I cannot really say, I think it is really up to the family and individual involved, and in those situations sometimes its the family that is being selfish if the person who is terminally ill, is in extreme pain. I have no idea when it is wrong/right, but sometimes its just like what they said with the obscenity laws, "You know it when you see it.

Again, I am truly sorry and hope that you know my statements were directed at you. I am coming off of a bad situation where it was for total selfish reasons from the person (who is healthy and financially okay) tried to take their own life. And yes I feel guilty and angry at the same time still, and I have gone through therapy to deal with that guilt of being angry.

 

[lizkat]

To a certain degree, yes. I'm not suicidal by nature so if I were to choose that route, I'd need someone to help me. Like an end of life Doula if you will.

I may be looking at possibly two more good years health wise and I'm about to lose my house. This is way more than I usually share here but I'm trying to illustrate how a person can arrive at a full stop loss of hope or desire to continue.

There's a reason I'm about to fill out my advanced directive. That I've instructed my two brothers. to not under any circumstances, allow me to be resuscitated in the event of heart failure or even a stroke. I do not want to live compromised or in pain. It's now about quality of life over quantity and I should be afforded the dignity to make that choice.

So I'm not a troubled person or in need of therapy. I'm facing facts. I've lived a good life. I had two amazing parents. I may not have been able to do everything I wanted to do, ie: climb Machu Picchu, but I have lived a good life. If I died tomorrow, I'd be okay. If that happens, I've told my brothers (both much older than me) to not grieve and be happy for me.

Yes to me that is pretty different from decision-making in context of issues related to struggles with mental health per se or addiction-related problems. I hope that you will find a way to retain quality of life as long as possible and help leaving when that seems not in the cards.

Barring a legal option in NYS for assisted end of living, I always figured I might choose to go lay down in the snow! Of course I have paperwork to account for the more likely event that I wouldn't have the strength to do that, say after tripping over a cat in the stairwell or whatever and landing at an angle "unfortunate" enough not to end my life but also not to leave me so much as the option to crawl to a phone, never mind walk out back to pick dandelion greens in the Spring.

I used to have paperwork that said yeah resuscitate me since I have a rich interior life. Now I have paperwork that says DNR, because it occurred to me that having had a rich interior life so far would not compensate in future for tubes in tubes out of a shell of a human being. In fact it was reading about the death of the late publisher of the WaPo, Katherine Graham, that made me change my mind. Not that she met that sort of lingering fate. She didn't, and I'm sure she had just been having a grand time when she tripped and fell onto a concrete sidewalk after leaving a party. But imo she was lucky and never regained consciousness after suffering a head injury.

As far as debilitating illnesses go,,,, one of my sisters in law passed away in her 50s from ALS after having lived previous to that for 20 years with partial paralysis after bursting of an undetected aneurysm. I have continued to hope that New York State will eventually get on board with assisted end of living for situations like that, whether or not she would have availed herself of the option. I'm fully aware that I can say right now "that would not be my choice" only because I do not live in constant pain and grave disability. I think "leaving early" should be a legal option when it's the body and not the mind that has opened the door to that idea.

I so wish you well in exercising the choices you may have as time goes on. But you shouldn't think no one will miss you. We all do make a difference and may never know in what way or how we meant something to those around us during the span of a lifetime.

 

[shadow puppet]

I am sorry to hear that really. I think this is two different things we are talking about. Ending a no hope terminal illness early or suicide because of a mental or emotional issue. The former I cannot really say, I think it is really up to the family and individual involved, and in those situations sometimes its the family that is being selfish if the person who is terminally ill, is in extreme pain. I have no idea when it is wrong/right, but sometimes its just like what they said with the obscenity laws, "You know it when you see it.

Again, I am truly sorry and hope that you know my statements were directed at you. I am coming off of a bad situation where it was for total selfish reasons from the person (who is healthy and financially okay) tried to take their own life. And yes I feel guilty and angry at the same time still, and I have gone through therapy to deal with that guilt of being angry.

Hey there, I didn't take your comments as being aimed me, so no worries, okay? Quite the opposite. I've appreciated this conversation from everyone participating. Truly.

But to be clear, I am not terminal. I apologize if I presented it in a way that came across as such. I am however, facing facts. My heart very possibly may not last many more years. I have mitral valve prolapse with AFib and two mitraclips on my heart. I was too high risk for open heart surgery so my specialists chose the mitraclip route. All this happened during 2020, the first year of the pandemic. Just a few months after I lost my Labrador with no warning, to cancer. Not a fun time for sure.

For some reason over Labor Day, my AFib, that previously had never bothered me, went bonkers. Almost 2 years to the day after it was diagnosed. The doctors at the hospital think the SoCal heat wave set it off. All I know is it was scary as hell. My heart rate was averaging 150 and my BNP was 2300 which is ridiculously high and translates into "heart failure". It took 4 days and many IV's of Amiodarone, to get my heart back into sinus rhythm. I was so sick I honestly wanted to die. Amiodarone is the gold standard for treating AFib but it made me so nauseous and felt like my head would explode. It was the absolute worst headache of my life. Amiodarone is a short term drug since (among other things) it can go after your lungs and vision.

Bottom line, I don't ever want to go through that experience again. Thankfully, I don't currently need an ablation. I now take Flecainide and it's keeping everything under control. My Apple watch also keeps tabs monitoring things so I'm grateful Apple still supports the Watch 4.

I told my electrophysiologist when I first met him, 3 weeks post hospital stay, I was losing hope. But, at my 3 month follow up 12/5, I told him I now feel 1000x better. I see that as a good thing.

But if I do ever get that bad again, I want to check out. That type of misery isn't living. And I hope those who made it this far reading this, can both respect and understand why I feel this way.

 

[FuzzyBobo]

Reflecting on the heart-wrenching news of Stephen 'tWitch' Boss's passing from a year ago, it still resonates deeply, reminding us of the critical importance of mental health awareness. His situation is a poignant example that suffering often lies beneath the surface, unseen even to those closest to the individual.
For more info, you can check out neurosis definition. Modern understanding recognizes that terms like anxiety and depression are more accurate and reflective of the conditions that can lead individuals to experience profound despair.

 

[AmyPaige]

It's a stark reminder that mental health struggles can affect anyone, regardless of their age, success, or outward appearance. It's heartbreaking to think that someone who recently celebrated their 9th wedding anniversary could experience such inner turmoil.The idea that his suicide was selfish is a common misconception. Mental pain can become overwhelming, clouding one's judgment and making it difficult to see any other way out. We must approach such situations with empathy rather than judgment.

 

[rdrr]

When the ex called at 6:00 am this morning, I knew the call wasn’t going to be a good one. My ex’s first words were “He is stable.” And immediately I got sick, and knew what and who it was about.

Dealing with the emotions this morning has sucked, and right now I don’t know what emotion is effecting me the most. Fear, regret, anger, sadness…

I don’t even know if i should be ashamed, keep this private, or expose suicides’ ugliness it and be 100% open about it.

Anyway just venting so I don’t wallow in my own feelings.

 

[Alli]

I don’t even know if i should be ashamed, keep this private, or expose suicides’ ugliness it and be 100% open about it.

We’re here for you, whatever you decide.

 

[Eric]

When the ex called at 6:00 am this morning, I knew the call wasn’t going to be a good one. My ex’s first words were “He is stable.” And immediately I got sick, and knew what and who it was about.

Dealing with the emotions this morning has sucked, and right now I don’t know what emotion is effecting me the most. Fear, regret, anger, sadness…

I don’t even know if i should be ashamed, keep this private, or expose suicides’ ugliness it and be 100% open about it.

Anyway just venting so I don’t wallow in my own feelings.

Sorry for what you are going through, we all vent in our own ways and IMO none of them are wrong.

Several months ago my brother, who I share a birthday with 3 years apart, also killed himself on our birthday. I'm still dealing with it but it does get easier over time, even if slowly, if it's any consolation.

 

[Yoused]

On the other side of the coin, my mom was in decline. She had afib, which they were giving her pills for, then had to use an oxygen concentrator due to what would otherwise have been a minor problem for a younger person. She had a fall, for the first time in about ever, but shook it off, then she fell again a few days later, cracked a neck vertebra and had to be in the hospital, in a collar. It was miserable.

She had me go to the house and get her POLST so she could make the staff stop treating her. She talked about how everyone has their time, and hers was up. She stopped letting them give her the heart pills, and they made her as comfortable as they could, until her heart finally could no longer keep up. You could call it suicide, but she was swiftly losing her ability to have a half decent life. Nine decades had taken too much of a toll on her.

I will miss her effervescent spirit and sturdiness, but I am comforted by the fact that a long-time Peace activist has found peace.