General The End Of Your Life

[Huntn]

It can suck in old age, hopefully you keel over before your crawling on all fours or have lost your marbles, the entire sum of your life reduced to an echo. Go quick, don’t linger.

What brought this on? I’m currently providing moral support to my 96-year-old father who seems to be slipping fast, but not fast enough, at least not from his perspective. In his words, if I wasn’t such a coward, I’d go out back and eat a bullet . It’s heartbreaking, he lives in Florida, I live in Texas, I tried to get him to come live nearby in a senior facility about five years ago, and ultimately he refused.

He’s still sharpen enough to function, but lost regarding anything technical that he’s not already familiar with. He’s also still mobile but not very without oxygen, and while he knows what he should do, move to a senior center that can provide assisted-living, he keeps rebelling regarding this idea. Me and my brother are encouraging him to move to one of the many places he’s toured in the past, and he just can’t decide that it’s bad enough that he should. He understands the logic of the advantage of making this change on his terms, versus being forced into something less desirable, yet he can’t seem to make a decision other than to maintain the status quo as his health deteriorates.

Anyway, my brother, who now lives in Alaska is flying down there to go over financial records and hopefully talk him into taking the step towards the assisted-living. My plan is to go over there after, I’m hoping that he can make a decision so when I do come, I can physically help him with anything that he needs help with. The bad thing is he’s alone, I can stay there for a week but then I’ll be headed home. If I see a move on his part to transition into assisted-living, I could stay longer to help with that .

I remember @Scepticalscribe discussing this while back in regards to her mother, but not in the terms I’m using, more elegant.

 

[Roller]

It can suck in old age, hopefully you keel over before your crawling on all fours or have lost your marbles, the entire sum of your life reduced to an echo. Go quick, don’t linger.

What brought this on? I’m currently providing moral support to my 96-year-old father who seems to be slipping fast, but not fast enough, at least not from his perspective. In his words, if I wasn’t such a coward, I’d go out back and eat a bullet . It’s heartbreaking, he lives in Florida, I live in Texas, I tried to get him to come live nearby in a senior facility about five years ago, and ultimately he refused.

He’s still sharpen enough to function, but lost regarding anything technical that he’s not already familiar with. He’s also still mobile but not very without oxygen, and while he knows what he should do, move to a senior center that can provide assisted-living, he keeps rebelling regarding this idea. Me and my brother are encouraging him to move to one of the many places he’s toured in the past, and he just can’t decide that it’s bad enough that he should. He understands the logic of the advantage of making this change on his terms, versus being forced into something less desirable, yet he can’t seem to make a decision other than to maintain the status quo as his health deteriorates.

Anyway, my brother, who now lives in Alaska is flying down there to go over financial records and hopefully talk him into taking the step towards the assisted-living. My plan is to go over there after, I’m hoping that he can make a decision so when I do come, I can physically help him with anything that he needs help with. The bad thing is he’s alone, I can stay there for a week but then I’ll be headed home. If I see a move on his part to transition into assisted-living, I could stay longer to help with that .

I remember @Scepticalscribe discussing this while back in regards to her mother, but not in the terms I’m using, more elegant.

Sorry to hear about your dad. From your description, he's quite functional, especially for someone his age. I assume he's living alone, which opens him up to all sort of problems if he suffers a medical setback, which will be even more difficult to handle as a crisis. I understand why he's reluctant to move into assisted living — to him, it's the beginning of the end — but he needs to sooner rather than later. Your father may be more willing to hear this from a third-party. If you and your brother can't convince him, is there another relative or friend he might listen to? Alternatively, have you asked for professional counseling?

Good luck!

 

[Edd]

I think we push it way too far with being alive as long as possible. It needs to be an option to end your life when you choose, before you're a vegetable permanently strapped to a bed. After 75 yo I'm not sure someone should be considered suicidal if they want to get the check, so to speak. Life isn't precious, a quality life is.

 

[Herdfan]

I think we push it way too far with being alive as long as possible. It needs to be an option to end your life when you choose, before you're a vegetable permanently strapped to a bed. After 75 yo I'm not sure someone should be considered suicidal if they want to get the check, so to speak. Life isn't precious, a quality life is.

You are describing my MIL to a "T". She fully expects to live well into her 100's and will be pissed if she doesn't (currently she is 89). Yet every thing that has happened to her recently is a direct result of her poor decisions.

I went though similar things with both parents and will not subject my daughter to it. Being alive for the sake of just being alive is not something I want for me or her.

 

[Roller]

You are describing my MIL to a "T". She fully expects to live well into her 100's and will be pissed if she doesn't (currently she is 89). Yet every thing that has happened to her recently is a direct result of her poor decisions.

I went though similar things with both parents and will not subject my daughter to it. Being alive for the sake of just being alive is not something I want for me or her.

We’ve tried to make it easier for our children by recording our wishes about whether to prolong our lives if we’re not in the condition to do so. But if I’m still able, I hope I’ll have the courage to make the right decision.

 

[Alli]

My mother (90) lives in a regular apartment. The senior community didn’t work out well for her, but this is no different other than they don’t offer bus tours hither and yon. But that’s what I’m for. She hates the idea of living beyond her “expiration date,” and wonders why science keeps looking for ways to increase longevity. In her words “getting old is everything it’s cracked up to be.”

 

[Nycturne]

We’ve tried to make it easier for our children by recording our wishes about whether to prolong our lives if we’re not in the condition to do so.

As someone whose parents are getting to be that age, this is something I wish they would do. It’s also easy for things to deteriorate really quickly, leaving loved ones trying to figure out the way forward. Both my grandfather and grandmother went like this. Were able to live on their own until they suddenly couldn’t, and passed within a year of that.

 

[Huntn]

Sorry to hear about your dad. From your description, he's quite functional, especially for someone his age. I assume he's living alone, which opens him up to all sort of problems if he suffers a medical setback, which will be even more difficult to handle as a crisis. I understand why he's reluctant to move into assisted living — to him, it's the beginning of the end — but he needs to sooner rather than later. Your father may be more willing to hear this from a third-party. If you and your brother can't convince him, is there another relative or friend he might listen to? Alternatively, have you asked for professional counseling?

Good luck!

Thanks. He sees no purpose to be counseled. He’s actually stoic regarding his situation and is good with the reality of it. He has a good attitude about the end, not scared, wants it, as in “it’s time to go, but I’m still here”. Until he ran out of energy he was good chugging along, but now as the routine basic are becoming difficult, he’s once again considering an alternative, assisted living. The reality is if he stays at home, it will sooner than later get messy, and at some point ugly.

This is the point where many people would choose to end it, and some do. I’m all for voluntarily peaceful suicide. Yes, it would have to be managed properly as I’m reminded of the Edward G Robinson scene in Soylent Green.

 

[Huntn]

I think we push it way too far with being alive as long as possible. It needs to be an option to end your life when you choose, before you're a vegetable permanently strapped to a bed. After 75 yo I'm not sure someone should be considered suicidal if they want to get the check, so to speak. Life isn't precious, a quality life is.

I agree 100%. If I judge my life, my first serious medical scare happened when I was 70, now I’m 71 and I’m still mobile and active, There are things I enjoy, have a partner I live with who I love and keeps me company. Marriage can be a real trip both positive and negative, and it can be a real pain in the ass, as you are forced to compromise, in my experience constantly. But I’ve come to terms with this. I dread for the one who is left after the first one goes. And being the coward, tell her I hope I go first.
My Aunt who passed away a year or so ago, had it made, a husband a daughter living with them, and a second who came to stay for the end. They cared for her, and hospice came in at the end for about a month.
Living alone complicates everything.

 

[Alli]

This is the point where many people would choose to end it, and some do. I’m all for voluntarily peaceful suicide. Yes, it would have to be managed properly as I’m reminded of the Edward G Robinson scene in Soylent Green.

My mother often references that scene. Who wouldn’t choose to go like that?