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lizkat

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Please pray for my sister, she is in hospital with extremely poor prognosis after surgery to remove blood clots thrown in an adverse reaction to meds given for amelioration of a very recently diagnosed illness. She and caregivers knew the risk to the elderly included blood clots. And,,, they did turn up, unfortunately. Her prognosis was already not good. I just want her not to suffer. All they are doing is hydrating her and giving pain meds, nothing else left to do right now.

It's pretty stunning to get my head around this, as the whole situation had presented and evolved so quickly. Working on trying to accept the fact that I'm personally in charge of no more than getting myself from dawn to dusk each day, and nothing that has happened today has augmented my powers. So there are memories of shared moments of parallel and independent lives, and no one can take those from me, but it sounds like we may welll have quit making new memories of wacky fabric-shopping adventures and wild weekends of "getting around to..." cutting and sewing some of our purchases, all the while catching up with each other's lives since last time we'd gotten together.

I'll sleep tonight under a quilt she made for me after reading some poem I scrawled once about purple asters. I had no idea she was working on such a project -- all the fabrics had asters or flowers of complementary colors-- but one day it materialized as a gift representing months and months of her handiwork.

purple asters quilt.jpg

That's how she's always been, so thoughtful and such a talented translator of aspects of her siblings' lives. A bro complained once about the loneliness of an over-the-road trucker, and she presented him next time he was home with a "Misery Loves Company" wall hanging of howling coyotes that she'd spotted a pattern for, and made up for him in the meantime... it was a big hit!

Coyotes wallhanging.jpg
 

lizkat

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My sister passed away peacefully this evening under palliative care at the hospital where she actually used to work. Her companion of many years and her grown children were all with her. What a whirlwind of a last chapter. It will take awhile for the loss to sink in, but the rest of us were trading photos and memories by text and mail over the past couple days, trying to get used to the idea of coming up short on the sibling count as we go forward.

Thank you for holding a good thought for her in the meantime. I found a rainbow photo she took and mailed to me after one of my kitties had passed away. It reminded me then and does now that rainbows are all about the end of a storm and a fresh take on the day...

Rainbow From Kate.jpg
 

Apple fanboy

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My sister passed away peacefully this evening under palliative care at the hospital where she actually used to work. Her companion of many years and her grown children were all with her. What a whirlwind of a last chapter. It will take awhile for the loss to sink in, but the rest of us were trading photos and memories by text and mail over the past couple days, trying to get used to the idea of coming up short on the sibling count as we go forward.

Thank you for holding a good thought for her in the meantime. I found a rainbow photo she took and mailed to me after one of my kitties had passed away. It reminded me then and does now that rainbows are all about the end of a storm and a fresh take on the day...

Sorry for your loss. Hope you are doing ok.
 

lizkat

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Sorry for your loss. Hope you are doing ok.
Thank you. I know that you know it just gets different after awhile, not "better"... I'm comforted by memories and the presence of things my sister had made for me or given me over the years, or shared with me as photos or descriptions in mail, email, texts.

I don't shy away from the feelings all those things provoke, either. It would be futile to try to treat my home and heart like minefields, trying somehow to avoid the grief of losing someone I had loved. I tried that in vain when my grandmother passed away over 40 years ago, and learned the hard way that one can postpone understanding a great loss but not finally escape it. So I bump into my grief over my sister's passing a hundred times a day now, even as I can laugh to remember some of the great times (and a few memorable misunderstandings) we had had over the years.

Still, I'm also trying not to anticipate sorrows I haven't bumped into yet. Caught myself doing that the other night when I grabbed a fresh pair of chopsticks out of a cupboard. Damn, I thought. I can never go in Win Li's again without bursting into tears. Well that's not true, even if I know that will be how it will be on the first "next time" I visit that Asian market up in Ithaca. I couldn't shop at Hannaford for awhile in Oneonta after my youngest brother had died. We went there together so many times. Finally realized the way to go about it was cry in the parking lot so I wouldn't cry in the damn store! One step at a time.

My sister would laugh at me turning down the opportunity to cruise Win Li's any day of any week anyhow. We always went there with shopping lists, usually mundane stuff like re-ups on sweet hot chili sauce, baby bok choi, frozen potstickers, some chopsticks... and then always gravitated to the back of the shop to have a look at whatever new little blue and white bowls or dipping-sauce dishes might have landed there since a previous visit. We both knew that one could never have too many tiny bowls and plates for the assembly of ingredients before start of cooking. So I can imagine her right now saying "what, you're gong to quit eating because you can't bear looking at some crockery?!" Yeah, no. So I look, and weep and laugh in the same breath. If I break the tiny blue and white bowl that I put minced garlic in, I'll be up to Win Li's like a shot out of a cannon.
 

Herdfan

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My sister would laugh at me turning down the opportunity to cruise Win Li's any day of any week anyhow. We always went there with shopping lists, usually mundane stuff like re-ups on sweet hot chili sauce, baby bok choi, frozen potstickers, some chopsticks... and then always gravitated to the back of the shop to have a look at whatever new little blue and white bowls or dipping-sauce dishes might have landed there since a previous visit. We both knew that one could never have too many tiny bowls and plates for the assembly of ingredients before start of cooking. So I can imagine her right now saying "what, you're gong to quit eating because you can't bear looking at some crockery?!" Yeah, no. So I look, and weep and laugh in the same breath. If I break the tiny blue and white bowl that I put minced garlic in, I'll be up to Win Li's like a shot out of a cannon.

Yes, focus on the good times you had and not the future times you won't.

My daughter is very good at this for someone so young. While she mourned her grandmother, with who she was very close, she has kept several things that remind her of the many good times they spent together. For example she has the wood spoon they used to make Toll House cookies when she was young.

Sorry for your loss and I hope the remembrance of good times with your sister will outweigh the sense of loss.
 

Huntn

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On one of my favorite NPR shows, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me (Saturday and Sunday morning), a news quiz program. I heard a disturbing thing of all things about the origin of pink lemonade, at least an origin somewhere. :) A disgruntled circus clown, 1850s Texas as a sideline was making and selling lemonade made with tartaric acid and sugar, with a show lemon placed in the glass jug. According to the story, he used the same lemon for the entire summer. The disgusting part of the story, one day when short of potable water, he used a bucket of water that had been used to wash a circus performer’s red tights. The pink lemon aid was a hit! 😬

Found this after: https://www.washingtonpost.com/food/2023/06/21/pink-lemonade-lore/
 

shadow puppet

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On my mind today.....

I've been in the film industry working in commercials in the production dept. since 1988. I began as a P.A. (production assistant). From 1988 to current day in 2023, I get paid a rate that never has included over time, holiday pay, meal breaks and often little to no sleep. I can work 8 hours or 27 hours. Doesn't matter. I still get paid the one day's rate. How the industry has gotten away with this, especially in California, the strictest labor law state in the nation, is beyond me.

But today, the Association of Independent Commercial Producers (AICP), finally recognized that at least 5000 of us had had enough, weren't going to be bullied by their threats or rhetoric and stuck our necks out at the risk of being blacklisted. We finally told them we want IATSE to represent us at the bargaining table. We are the only remaining department in the production of commercials who have no labor representation, no health benefits, no parity.

This fight has been going on for over (2) decades. I am in the twilight of my film career so I'm not sure how much if any of this, I will be able to enjoy. But at least the new generation, finally will.

 
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Huntn

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On my mind today.....

I've been in the film industry working in commercials in the production dept. since 1988. I began as a P.A. (production assistant). From 1988 to current day in 2023, I get paid a rate that never has included over time, holiday pay, meal breaks and often little to no sleep. I can work 8 hours or 27 hours. Doesn't matter. I still get paid the one day's rate. How the industry has gotten away with this, especially in California, the strictest labor law state in the nation, is beyond me.

But today, the Association of Independent Commercial Producers (AICP), finally recognized that at least 5000 of us had had enough, weren't going to be bullied by their threats or rhetoric and stuck our necks out at the risk of being blacklisted. We finally told them we want IATSE to represent us at the bargaining table. We are the only remaining department in the production of commercials who have no labor representation, no health benefits, no parity.

This fight has been going on for over (2) decades. I am in the twilight of my film career so I'm not sure how much if any of this, I will be able to enjoy. But at least the new generation, finally will.

Unions today are more vital than ever especially under the shadow of AI. In a max profit based system (Capitolism) workers that should be indispensable assets become little throw away cogs if they let themselves become that. Employers dream about getting rid of troublesome workers who have demands like living decent lives, not being slaves to the corporation.
 

Huntn

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My sister passed away peacefully this evening under palliative care at the hospital where she actually used to work. Her companion of many years and her grown children were all with her. What a whirlwind of a last chapter. It will take awhile for the loss to sink in, but the rest of us were trading photos and memories by text and mail over the past couple days, trying to get used to the idea of coming up short on the sibling count as we go forward.

Thank you for holding a good thought for her in the meantime. I found a rainbow photo she took and mailed to me after one of my kitties had passed away. It reminded me then and does now that rainbows are all about the end of a storm and a fresh take on the day...

Sorry I missed this while it was happening, I’m spread too thinly among forums and social media, a belated sorry for your loss. The following is not said to garner any kind of sympathy, just some thoughts and observations about this life.

My Aunt passed away a couple of weeks ago, no funeral, she had donated her body to a medical center, not that should stop a memorial service, but my impression is they decided not to endure this exercise. My brother-in-law, elderly drug addict passed away last week and drugs were not his only vice. Few in the family bothered to go to the funeral, including me and my wife. I’ve always hated funerals. something to endure, not a celebration by any means. I’m reaching the age where they, my contemporaries are dropping like flies.

Mom passed away over a decade ago. Amazingly, my 95 year old father is still chugging along, but he is miserable, no longer able to make heads or tails of his computer. He lives so far away (Florida) that I can’t really help him. Instead he has a maintenance contract with Stapes and takes it in weekly, :oops:

Don’t get the wrong idea, I appreciate this life, and mostly have enjoyed the experience. However, I think I’m a bit unusual. My emotions are insulated, death so far just rolls off me without much of an emotional response, although I do feel loss. Some of this I think is that I’ve become more anti-social with age? I don’t know. :confused:
 

Huntn

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Family relationships- sometimes seem like more trouble than their worth. Got a Grandkid who takes too much after the EX. There is a real discussion to be had about nature vs nurture. 🤔
 
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